Sunday, February 17, 2013

The ABCs of Death (2013 Film)

Dear Entertainment Diary,

I may probably haven't said nor talked about it here but truth be told, I'm a really sucker when it comes to horror anthology. Especially if it's an Asian horror anthology film, name it and I will def watch it. It all began in Thailand's 4Phia (Phobia) and 5Prang (Phobia 2) and I just become so addictive to it. I watch Three... Extremes and I loved it as well. I haven't watched Three. I have Rampo Noir on my cellphone since July last year and I haven't watched it yet.

So when I heard/read about The ABCs of Death, I just can't wait to watch it. I even put it in this blog's corner, Upcoming/Released Films list in which I really wanted to see, and finally, yesterday night, I saw it with my brother and aunt!

I was actually psyched up when I knew about this film. Knowing that it contains 26 shorts done by 26 or more directors (because some segments were done by two), the idea just shot me in the head and brought me to heaven! So far, I have only watched anthologies with  approx 5 segments/stories and those were 5Prang and Cinco. In short, this is the first time I heard about the idea of putting 26 stories in 1 film. I found it weird and impossible but they did it!
The ABCs of Death Trailer

And now, let me get to the point. I was actually disappointed in this film. Why? Maybe I expected too much but it didn't satisfy on what I was asking/expecting for. Yes, it's true that there are shorts in here that are worth watching, some even horrified me, some are very enjoyable, but mostly sere plain stupid and stuff. Some contain very stupid humor and tasteless horror inartistic stories. And also, I hope that the creators gave a theme, one theme, to tie all the 26 shorts up. That would be great, right?

The ABCs of Death is a film about 26 shorts, each title begins with the letter of the alphabet, from A-Z, duh. The stories were rated from very well done to plain "I did this movie because I was bored and nothing to do." The 26 stories are all about 26 ways to die. Meaning, if you wanna die, learn from these.

Without further ado, here are the 26 short stories: (the images contains nudity/graphic violence. 18+)

A is for Apocalypse - Director: Nacho Vigalondo. This is the first segment who welcomed the viewers with goriness. It's about a couple who are facing the end of the world together. SIGH, everlasting love. Or is it? In this segment, the girl tried to kill her husband by poisoning him for many months, killing him  with the use of a knife, boiling water, and stroking him with the pan she used for boiling the water. And guess what? The guy still breathes after all that! All I know is that they died together in the end. Well, I'm not sure because it wasn't shown. I've got to say, I like this segment. 

B is for Bigfoot - Director: Adrian Garcia Bogliano. The first segment that contained nudity. It's about a kinky couple who scared the guy's little girl cousin so she can go to bed and they can sex it up in the window! Gosh, really? A made up story became real. Whoopie.

C is for Cycle - Director: Ernesto Diaz Espinoza. A senseless crap about an event occurring to a guy's life on repeat. I guess, he is just stuck in that same senseless happening. I wonder where his wife went?

D is for Dogfight - Director: Marcel Sarmiento. A segment about a man fighting a dog. Yep. I guess it's entertaining even when it was played in slow mo and no dialog even. I just hope it the story was explained if the guy really was the lost dog for he was wearing a dog tag with the lost dog's name.

E is for Exterminate - Director: Angela Bettis. Don't underestimate the bugs cause they can lay their eggs inside your body. 

F is for Fart - Director: Noburo Iguchi. One of the most silliest segments. I may not know if someone can really die becasue of farts but this short is really silly in all levels. I know it has comedy genre written all over it but... Ugh... I don't know. It just failed to amuse me especially the part where the 2 girls lick each other's tongue and farted. I actually didn't know the  protagonist was dreaming?

G is for Gravity - Director: Andrew Traucki. HAHA. This actually scared the hell out of me! No, I was kidding. Why didn't they just put a man stating a fact that a person can drown in the sea/beach instead of wasting money on this man with a camera in his head, surfing, and was never even seen? Brutally senseless.

H is for Hydro-Electric Diffusion. Director: Thomas Cappelen Malling. About a pilot dog watching a lady dog dancing in front of him. This is actually weird in all levels. Yeah, amusing, but, c'mon. I hope that they explained the reason why that machine and the lady dog  kill their customers without even paying the bill. 

I is for Ingrown - Director: Jorge Michel Grau. I know that this short has subtitle but I didn't really understand the whole point. All I know is that the guy injected something in the girl, tied up in the bath tub, that made her itch, bleed, and vomit until she died. 

J is for Jidal-geki - Director: Yudai Yamaguchi.Another senseless crap from Japan. I am a fan of Japanese horrors but really, now I'm doubting. About samurai and some Japanese guy being decapitated.

K is for Klutz - Director: Anders Morgenthaler. An animated short about an alive shit from a girl inside the toilet. The drawing is cute. Funny, but the idea of getting killed by your own shit by getting inside your body through your anus is ridiculous.Well, a shit being alive is ridiculous, but I like this thaaaang!

L s for Libido - Director: Timo Tjahjanto. About a jack off contest. I don't know if this is from japan or Thailand, but this is kind of disturbing and cruelly over the top. Poor guys.

M is for Miscarriage - Director: Ti West. Read the title and watch this short and you will say huh? I thought Miscarriage is an accident? But here, I think the girl s happy it happened and I think she did it on purpose. Poor baby. I just didn't like the story and it's just plainly short. All  saw is a girl looking for a plunger and then the camera focused on the toilet.

N is for Nuptials - Director: Banjong Pisanthanakun. I've got to praise Thailand for this! This s a story about a proposal gone wrong because of a very talkative parrot who said exactly all what it heard! And by exactly, I mean accurate.

O is for Orgasm - Director: Bruno Forzani. I'm impressed with the effects, bubbles, and stuff but am I watching porn or what? 

P is for Pressure - Director: Simon Rumley. Ok, the theme is great. About a mother wanted to give her daughter a bike for her birthday even if it means selling her own body and killing kittens!!! I mean, why those poor little kittens must suffer? I like this story for being realistic but the fact that one must kill an animal for money is just plain wrong. 

Q is for Quack - Director: Adam Wingard. Now this is kind of cute. About two guys making a short film about killing a duck (quail?) to be submitted for The ABCs of Death and t turns out that they submitted their own death. And your guess is right, the duck LIVES!

R is for Removed - Director: Srdjan Spasojevic. This has got to be one of the yuckiest short in the film but one of the greatest as well. I actually didn't get the story quite well but I just love how psychologically challenging this story is. It's not like most of the shorts here where the theme/ideas are very obviously seen.

S is for Speed - Director: Jake West. Well, kinda like it as well but I didn't actually focused too. Actually, starting from here, I got bored of watching. Oh, and I forgot to tell you, I was the only one left watching. My aunt and brother left me. LOL. I just didn't like how the actors acted here

T is for Toilet - Director: Lee Hardcastle. Well, a stop animation using clay that contains toilet humor. Literally. It's about a young boy who is very afraid on using the toilet on his own and getting killed by the toilet he is afraid of. I think this is cute, as well. Worth watching.

U is for Unearthed - Director: Ben Wheatley. A found footage kind of theme involving a zombie or a vampire? I don't know. I just know my head hurts for it's shakiness shot in the monster's point of view.

V is for Vagitus - Director: Kaare Andrews. A sci-fi short about a cry of the new born. It's actually pretty interesting but I was lost during the middle. It also contains some failed corny humors but as I said, interesting.

W is for WTF?! - Director: Jon Schnepp. Just watch it and you'll know why WTF?! (What the Fuck?!) was the title of this short. I like to ask, WHY THE FUCK?!

X is for XXL - Director: Xavier Gens. One of the stand outs in the film and probably has the most sensible, touching, and meaningful theme. It's about a fat lady getting bullied by the people who see her so when she got home, she decided to skin herself off and remove the fats in her body. In the end, she's kind of thin, full of blood, and is gonna die. To all those who can't see your inner beauty, just be yourself and look deeper.

Y is for Youngbuck - Director: Jason Eisener. About a crazy pedophile janitor. Yeah, disturbing as it is, I think this still has a great story behind it especially the time when he got what he deserves!

Z is for Zetsumetsu - Director: Yoshihiro Nishimura. OK. Skip this one up. All I know is that this is plainly stupid, no story, no humor, no nothing. I dont even know if Japanese were angry to the Americans? 

To sum it all up, out of 26 short stories, there were only few who really stood out. C is for Cycle probably gain some sense if it got more time cause the idea is there, no questions. It just that it lacks some explanation and some more scenes being recycled.

R is for removed could have been my typical type of movie if only some producers would pick it up and turn it into a real full length film! N is for Nuptials is just awesome when it comes to perfectly showing and giving us complete details about the story as well as A is for Apocalypse.

Although we don't have the same point of view on how we see and view things and how we like, watch this film with your own risk and tell me if it wasted your time. Well, I'm not mad but I'm still thankful I watched this film for it contains some good shorts and I just hope some would pick the great shorts up and make it full length films!

The copyrights for the images used still go to their owners.I don;t own the images.I just searched them on google so I don't remember the sites where it was really taken. Sorry.


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